I heard this song the other day while I was driving and it hit not only my heart ,but a nerve as well.
The Scenario: Visualize this…
You’re driving down the road and you hear a song, you like it and start singing along to it (even though you actually don’t know the words, you just like the tune and beat so you try to find the words) and about half way through the song you hear the actual words and you are like ~~ “WAIT! ~These words might relate to me and my life! It sounds like it’s about me! I need to know the song and the words”. You’ve done this right? … C’mon, I KNOW I am not the only one that has done this! Anyway, if you do what I do, you find your phone and hit Shazam so it will tell you what the song is and add it to your music list to play later (you even get the lyrics… BONUS!). Well, THIS my friends, was one of those songs and how relatable to my life in that moment it actually was is crazy. I played it again later when I could read the lyrics and understand what was actually being said (and so I could get the words right too), in fact I actually think I played it REALLY LOUD and even threw up a middle finger while I was scream singing it at the top of my lungs (sometimes I think I am the actual singer) and thought, “I know this Villain shit happens to more people than me, this is a blog that needs to be written”. Also, let’s not even start to compare this to “gaslighting” there will be a special place in blog hell for that topic down the road.
So here I am writing this blog to actually see if this has happened to others and to help those that have experienced it or are experiencing it now. So, If you have ever been with someone that makes you feel like you are the one to blame when things go sideways, no matter how kind and giving you have been, and you take the fall for them, this song will hit you too.
You see when it comes to relationships, I am a giver. I am a healer. I am a nurturer. I am selfless. I am loving. I am caring, I’m fun. I am cute, and I am a peacekeeper. This also means I am an easier target for a villain when they don’t want the things that I do, like a relationship. These are the people that want the “Niceties” without the word “Commitment”. You know the type. Well, when pushback happens with these types of individuals they will more than likely make you out to be the villain, especially when they talk about you to other people. You will be the crazy one. You will be the stalker. You will be the one that wasn’t good enough. You will be the one that couldn’t let them go. You will be the one that didn’t do enough. You will be the one that wouldn’t stop texting. You will be wrong. You will be at fault. You will be the one that doesn’t listen. You will be the one that wanted the relationship that they didn’t. You will be the one that pushes. You will be the one that wouldn’t stop, and you will more than like be marked the villain.
The reason for this is a lack of accountability by the one making you out to be the villain. When someone of this caliber doesn’t want the same things you do and you keep pushing, they will make you appear to be the one at fault. It is easier that way for them. They make you look crazy so they can step away unscathed. Not only will this leave you feeling crazy, but you will also be left to pick up, not only the broken pieces of your heart, but also left to repair the damage they have now caused to your character. Please understand if you are in this type of relationship or have been in one and were fortunate to get out, you were not the problem, you were not the actual villain, and it was never about you. Please read that again and let it soak in. Truth is that 90% of the time this is a pattern of behavior for these individuals (there are other names for them, however I refuse to diagnose or label individuals that I date) and believe it or not, you are not the first, nor the last they have done this too. I always say the one common denominator when this happens to multiple people is the person doing the actual damage. It is rare that one person just happens to get 9 “Crazy” exes in a row. Right? Doubtful.
So I have learned that there is no actual winning with these villainizers (yah, that isn’t an actual name for them, I made it up), but it is basically someone that villainizes (that is a word) another person. They speak about them negatively or portray them in a negative way, especially to influence others to see them as a bad person. Most often, it is individual people who are villainized, typically by someone who says bad things about them (especially things that are exaggerated) (dictionary.com).
So, what do you do?
Word of advice. The warning signs will always be present with these types of people. The red flags will be waving and they don’t get any more red so heed the warnings when they first fly. You will not be the exception. You will not change this behavior, they have to change it for themselves. Accountability to a true villain isn’t possible. Your best choice is to just not invest the time in this. You would have better luck getting out of the jaws of a shark than changing the pattern of a villain. Move along and find someone that doesn’t make game playing a part of their repertoire. You don’t have to play the villain card for them. Raise your middle finger high, sing loud, and drive away….. FAST and most importantly ……