My New Journey ~ To Love. Chapter 3: The In-Between

And here it is… Our story is being told by the both of us through my writings. I truly love you Chelsey.

The In-Between

Before this next chapter in “My New Journey ~ To Love” begins, there are some pretty major events that took place “In-Between” over the last month since I came back from meeting Chelsey for the first time in person that I think are important to mention. Especially for anyone attempting a long distance relationship. I will try my hardest to remember them all, because they go to show just how difficult long distance relationships can be when you love someone, they need you, you need them, or other things arise and you can’t be together during those times.

I came back from Missouri so happy. It was everything and more than I was hoping and the same for Chelsey too. Everything about my trip there was amazing. We just fit so well together, like we have known each other for years. It is easy to love her, but missing her is hard.

Challenges

Long distance relationships start to hurt when one or the other fall sick. Of course nobody wants this to happen or thinks that it will, but it does, and it did. This not only happened to me, but also to Chels. Both of us ended up in the hospital ER one week apart from each other, for two totally different things. The shitty part, we could only be there for each other by phone:( Of course we both spent every minute we could on the phone together being there for the other one because that is all we had! We made it through, of course, but it sucked for us and we have talked about it a few times since then, and what to do in the event it were to happen again. God forbid.

Then not too long after the hospital stint, Chels started feeling sick again, different than before. I love that we talk about everything, embarrassing or not, and this was another one of those times. She thought she had a UTI. Having never had one before she thought that maybe that is what it was but after she described in more detail what was going on, I told her that I thought it was Kidney Stones and she needed to go to the doctor. Chels is stubborn, not sure if I have mentioned that or not, but she is! Another quality about her I adore, even when she gets like that. So after I insisted she get to a doctor, she finally went, and sure enough she was passing kidney stones. She has never had kidney stones so it was all new for her and me. Again, just another time it was awful to not be there to comfort her or take care of her. These were bigger events we have had to get through, but even smaller appointments (like my injuries in softball) I missed having her with me in person.

The non-emergent events happen too. For example: there was a sporting event (baseball game) for Pride that I missed out on with her and she missed out on a week in Maui with my family. There are nights she goes out to the Gay Bar with friends, and I am not there holding her hand, kissing her, or going home with her. There are softball games and tournaments with my friends, and she isn’t here to go with and watch me play. There was the celebration of new jobs for both of us that neither got to celebrate together so we did phone calls of “How did it go? Do you like it?” instead of dinner and conversation around the whole day’s events or a night out to celebrate. We miss the day in and day out stuff, a lot. In fact, this is probably one of the harder things for me with the long distance. We talk about it a lot. One of the best things we have together is communication and we use it a lot. We have to talk about the hard stuff via FaceTime or phone calls instead of face to face conversations where we can lean in for a hug or a kiss and know it is going to be ok. We wouldn’t be where we are if the communication was lacking.

Another thing that happened since I was in Missouri last was that I moved into a new place. Not just any place, but actually a place that WE BOTH looked at online (I call it OUR place) and I had to do it without her here:( We both loved the pictures and when I walked in, I saw US there. It was home. I sent her a text and said, “I got it”. I signed right then. So, I moved after Missouri. It was a rough move. Very emotional and very physically taxing! So thankful for lifelong friends (Rory.. You know I owe you a big repayment on that one!) that helped me and got me through it. I moved an hour away from everyone I was close to, especially my son. I also would be paying a lot higher rent which is scary even though I am making double what I was making .. It is still scary doing it alone. I am managing and it definitely helps knowing someday I will be sharing the space with Chelsey. OUR home, well, only until we find a place to plant our own roots together. ~ Who knows what state, city, or town we will love the most and move to together but doing it together is what is going to be amazing. You just have to celebrate the little things, that’s what I tell my clients, and we sure do!

Jealousy and Worry

This is a topic that comes up a lot in conversations with people that have long distance relationships. It also just came up with us. I decided to take a second job to pay for plane trips as well as bills and to put more money in savings. I interviewed for an MHP position with law enforcement. It is a job that entails me riding with the police to help with mental health needs out on the streets. I had gone through the 2 phases and was scheduled for phase 3 “The Ride Along” so I called to tell her and while I was so excited about the new job, Chels tried to be happy for me, but I could tell something was off. She was nervous. She said she worried I would fall for one of the police women I would be working with (that is totally valid when in long distance relationships, because you aren’t together or in the same state for that matter). Not a valid fear for us, however. I had to assure her and comfort her over the phone, instead of being in front of her, looking her in the eyes and honestly telling her that she has nothing to worry about. That I love her, only her. It is hard, but we knew there would be plenty of “hard” times. This was just another one of them. We both have those uneasy times because we are away from each other more than we are together. Takes patience and reassurance. I have had those moments with her as well where I worry about her leaving me for someone closer, younger, etc., but in reality, I do trust her and believe in us. We just know at times we will need to reassure. It is ok and part of the process.

How We Hold It Together

In the midst of all this, we manage to keep our heads up above water with her calling and waking me every morning at 5:30am (my time) on her way to work and talking until she has to go into work and me calling her on my way home from work. We do a lot of texting, phone calls, FaceTime, and of course the planning and purchasing of plane tickets to give us a date to countdown to…. which speaking of which … Today is day 0.. Finally. I am flying out tonight to Missouri to be with her for the 2nd time! Neither of us can wait to be back together.

The bottom line is this. We love each other enough to make this long distance relationship work until we don’t have to be long distance anymore (which is a ways out). While we miss each other daily and some days are much harder than others, we find the balance. When one of us is struggling, the other one loves harder to get them through. Most of the time, we laugh. We honestly laugh a lot. I speak in a British accent a lot when we talk. I fluctuate back and forth quite a bit and I actually never know when it is going to come out which is quite funny! Chels loves it, she says it is HOT AF.. she is so funny which is probably why I laugh so much with her. She has a southern accent (all the time) which comes out so much stronger when she is annoyed about something! I think it is so fucking adorable, especially when she says Iloveyou (sounds like all one word) or “bout to do…” so cute!

We just started watching movies together on FaceTime (ok, we have watched one) and I made cookies the other day, speaking in my accent and baking while she watched me.. hahaha she said it was like watching a cooking channel. There are times when I will even send her pictures of the menu when I go out to eat with friends and ask her what I should order 🙂 Sometimes I take her advice, and sometimes it is just fun to see what she thinks. I do the same when ordering things for the home. I like her opinion. We try to include each other as much as we can. So, you see, we find ways to entertain each other as we would if we were together. So far it is working.

Heading to Missouri (round two)

So, I am heading back to Missouri today, except this time 1 day earlier and we are staying at her apartment this time in Cape Girardeau. It is crazy, but I am even more excited this time!! I think because I know her so well, know what to expect, know that she loves me without reservation, know that we always have a blast, and know that there won’t be awkwardness this time, just US being US so…. EXCITEMENT is all I have! It was her turn to come to Seattle, but she took a new job where she is in training so we decided to swap months. She will be coming to Seattle in August:)

She has the whole weekend planned for us.. ahhh:) Another thing I love about her!! She plans too. I bought her new board shorts, shirts, and a snap back hat in Maui, plus a new water bottle (she needs to drink more water), and I made her homemade cookies so those are all packed and ready to go too. Now I just need to get off work…1.5 hours left and I am outta here.

Tomorrow is our 3 month anniversary (we laugh about that because it feels more like a year, we have spent countless hours and days getting to know each other). She has to work, so I am going to hang out with her pup and spend the day relaxing in her space while she is at work. Then I will get ready and when she gets home, kisses me, showers, and gets dressed we are heading to dinner and then out to the Gay Bar that I always get to see her at but never get to be with her at. I get to meet her friend Sarah, whom has been so supportive of “Team US” since the beginning, and also the one that took Chels to the hospital for me when she was so sick …. so I love her already! I’m just ready to be back in Chelsey’s arms again and in her space. I miss her.

I’m coming for you Chelsey……Stay tuned for Chapter 4 ~ Missouri Part 2: Cape Girardeau….. coming soon!

Published by kaksmhm

I am just a woman from WA state that loves nature and loves to talk about things people are struggling talking about. I am a Mental Health Counselor with various degrees and a lot of life experience. I want to help change the world one person at a time by reducing the stigma around mental health by talking about things that are uncomfortable to talk about as well as talk about things that a lot of people think about and wonder if anyone else does too. I am here to say "yes!" and am here to talk about those things:)

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